Ode to Motherhood

To all the moms:

Happy Mother's Day!

You have worked so hard, all year around. I hope you get to take a day off, and enjoy your special day. I hope you love the festivities and/or any loving gestures your family bestow on you. Even if none of your family is around to celebrate this day with you, I hope you make a point to do or have something you love today. Hey, this is your special day, and you totally deserve it.

I just called my Mom in Taiwan. None of us could spend Mother's Day with her, and my dad had to attend a meeting today. I was so glad to find that Mom was in a good mood, nonetheless. I said, "Well, Mom, since Dad is not home, you've got a day off! How are you going to celebrate your special day?" She told me cheerfully that she's got some ideas -- she might visit this or that city, do some shopping, visit her favorite coffee shop, etc. She was getting herself ready to go out and enjoy her free time. I'm pretty sure she is going to dress up and have fun out on the town. Way to go, Mom! That's the spirit!

Motherhood is life-changing. I'm positive that you'd agree with me. Being a mom has changed me on so many levels. It's the most challenging job I've ever taken on, and the most amazing journey I've experienced. I'd never trade it for anything in the world.

Before you go out for your Mother's Day celebration, here are some thoughts for you to ponder.

You are loving and caring... You give your children unconditional love, the highest level of love in the world. You are the go-to person when anyone needs TLC - a hug, a kiss, some encouraging words, or chocolate chip cookies. You are love, personified.

You are patient... Reading "The Little Engine That Could" for the 1,000th time, with the same level of joy and enthusiasm (even when you were so tired you could barely keep your eyes open); getting your toddler potty trained; helping your child with challenging homework; sewing your child's school play or Halloween costume... that takes patience.

You are committed... Hey, you took on a life-long commitment to be a mom, didn't you?!

You are strong and you persevere... Think about what you had to go through to bring your child to the world -- the pregnancy, the labor pain, the adoption process -- need I say more? Think about all the challenges you've gone through to take care of your children and make sure they are healthy, safe and happy. You are much tougher than you give yourself credit for.

You are disciplined... You get up every morning to take care of your family, cooking, feeding, bathing, cleaning... day after day, after day. If that's not discipline, I don't know what is.

You take charge and get things done... You are the one who organizes and coordinates everyone's schedules, and make sure nobody misses doctor's appointments, soccer practice, band concert, birthday party, anniversary dinner (even if you have to plan it yourself).

You know when to say no and stand your ground... You have no problem telling your toddler or teenager what they are not supposed to do, even if you know they are not gonna like you.

You are creative... You've created a loving home for your children. You use your creativity in the ways you show your love, the foods you cook, the stories you tell, the imaginative plays, the silly songs you make up, the garden you planted and all the family vacations and memories you help create.

You are powerful... You were given the power and privilege to co-create a life (your child), to help your child reach his/her full potential and create a better world. That's enormous power and responsibility.

You are beautiful... Have you ever looked deeply into your child's eyes and see your own reflection? You are absolutely beautiful... no laugh lines or stretch marks could ever diminish your beauty.

I hope you take a few moment here and let it all sink in.

Next time, when someone else, or that nasty little voice in your head, tells you that you are not loving enough, strong enough, pretty enough, disciplined enough, or that you are too "selfish" for taking care of yourself, or whatever, tell them to get lost. They simply don't know any better.

You are perfect and whole, just the way you are. You deserve to be loved and adored, just like you love and adore your children. Now, go ahead and celebrate this day the way you truly deserve.

Forward this message to any moms you know who could use a little validation or encouragement. As moms, we ought to support and empower one another.

Take good care of yourself... you are irreplaceable!

"The Balancing Act": my radio interview

I was interviewed on the radio show "Protect Your American Dream" on November 13, 2007. The topic was "The Balancing Act". This radio show is mostly about financial issues, however, Jaynee Sasso, the host, invited me because she has seen the negative impact of poor time management in work-life balance, as well as in financial success.

As a professional life & business coach, I help my clients prioritize and re-design their lives, to create more work-life balance, reduce stress, improve self-care, achieve personal & career goals, and live the life they truly desire. These days, work-life balance seems to have become an impossible dream for most people. We all wear multiple hats, which comes with multitudes of responsibilities and obligations. Combining that with the need to please (or the inability to say NO) and poor time management skills, and you easily get side-tracked from your priorities and long-term goals, not to mention the possibility of burnout, depression, or even dis-ease.

So, what can you do to effectively manage your time so that you can achieve your goals, take care of your priorities, nurture yourself and avoid burnout? How do you prioritize your tasks? How do you avoid "busy-ness" and improve productivity? How do you say NO so that you can free up time for yourself and what's important for you? In this radio interview I offered many practical tips and strategies that you can apply to your life.

Click here to listen to the interview recording. Visit my website for more information about my coaching programs and FREE Teleclass series. While you are there, don't forget to sign up to download your FREE Intensive Self-Care Kit.

Life Lessons: The Girl with 4 Boyfriends

A good friend of mine sent this story to me. It provides a fresh perspective on what truly matters.
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Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her.

Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him.

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone'.

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No way!', replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend,'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No!', replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!'

Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and
you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'I'm sorry , I can't help you out this time!', replied the 2nd boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'

His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.'

The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as
he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when
I had the chance!'

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go.

Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of Heaven and continue with you throughout Eternity.

"Being happy doesn't mean every thing's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections."

Take Time for Friendships

© Copyright 2007 Hueina Su, Beyond Horizon Coaching

I remember reading a story about a mom telling her soon-to-be-married daughter to never let go of her girlfriends. At first the daughter thought she wouldn't need her girlfriends any more, since she was going to become a wife, and have her own family very soon. She did, however, heed her mom's advice. She kept in touch with her girlfriends over the years, and as she grew older (and wiser), she became more and more appreciative of her mom's advice and her girlfriends.

I, for one, can totally relate to that story.

My own mother, who loves me dearly, gave me a very different advice, though, before I became a mom myself. She told me, "Be prepared to sacrifice at least 10 years of your life for this baby". Yes, sacrifice. That's the exact word she used. I looked at her and nodded, like a good girl I've always been, but, the "rebelling" part of me was like "Sacrifice? 10 years? No way! What about me? What about my life???"

I know that "self-sacrifice" is a virtue in my culture (I wrote an article about this before), and my parents totally subscribe to that value. My mother basically cut off her ties with all her friends when she got married, partially because she thought that was "the right thing" to do, and partially because she was too busy helping my father's practice and raising the three of us. She took pride in being a "good mother" (she is a great mother, in fact), but, even as a young child, I could see her lonliness. There's a void in her heart that even her picture-perfect family couldn't fill.

So, on that day when my mother offered her motherly advice, I nodded in appreciation for her love, but knew that that's one advice I would not take. I knew deep in my heart of hearts that, I will love my children like no one else will love them, but, there's some part of me and my life I will not "sacrifice". My friendship with my friends is one of those things.

Over the years, I've made many dear friends, in school, at work, and through my children's friends. Some of my oldest friends have gone through the same life transitions as I did: college, graduate school, career, marriage, kids, 2nd career, etc. We've been through a lot together and separately. The guys who used to play tennis with me till sundown every weekend, are now playing a bigger game in the business world. The girls who used to play dress up with dreamy eyes, have since put on career suits or are busy dressing up their lovely kids. We used to travel to scenic spots and pose for each other's photographic "masterpiece"; now most pictures we take are about our own kids (most of my friends even leave themselves out of the holiday photo greeting cards).

We don't always keep in touch very often (you know how busy motherhood/fatherhood can be), and some of us don't even live on the same continent any more, but we've somehow managed to still keep each other "around" in our lives. You know the kind of friends who you can pick up the phone to talk to, after not hearing from each other for years, and still feel like you've never been apart? I was overjoyed when one of my best friends in high school got in touch with me (thank goodness for Internet), after we'd lost touch for more than 10 years!! It was such a precious gift to have her back in my life. We've got a lot of catching up to do, needless to say.

Last month, I was invited to speak at a local MOMS Club. This brought back SO many memories! There was a time when my husband and I moved a lot due to his job. We'd lived in 4 different states in 6 calendar years. When we made the move from Maryland to Delaware, I had to give up my career as a counselor, and we both made the decision that I would stay home for a while to take care of our 8-month old baby girl. When we moved, we only knew one couple in the state of Delaware, who lived half an hour away from us. I was totally unprepared for the transition from full-time working mom to full-time stay-at-home mom with my first baby, in a new city where we knew nobody, and our families hundreds of miles away. I missed my own office, my lunch break, my colleagues & friends, my paycheck, but most of all, my freedom. I was lonely and exhausted. Then one day I saw a flyer in the grocery store about MOMS Club, and that changed my life. I was so fortunate to have found a small group of moms with similar education & background (we were all professional women who decided to stay home for our first baby), and our babies were only a month or two apart. The weekly playgroup and the friendship I formed with these moms became my life-savor. We all went on to have our second (some of us had the third) child, and although most of us moved away after a couple years, most of us kept in touch and remained good friends till today (my daughter is 11 years old this year).

It's a rare gift in life to have good friends like that. I'm very blessed and grateful to have many in my life. How about you? Do you have friends you can lean on? Do you stay in touch with your dearest friends? Do you have some long lost friends that you would like to re-connect? Or, would you like to make some new friends who share your life experiences, passion or values? What are you waiting for? Life is too short.

"We will meet again my friend,
A hundred years from today
Far away from where we lived
And where we used to play.
We will know each others' eyes
And wonder where we met
Your laugh will sound familiar
Your heart, I won't forget.
We will meet,
I'm sure of this,
But let's not wait till then...
Let's take a walk beneath the stars
And share this world again."
-- Ron Atchison

Don't wait any longer. We're all extremely busy. When do you think you will actually have "free time" to connect with your friends? You've got to "make time" for friendships -- nurture the old ones and cultivate the new ones.

When you think of a friend, pick up the phone or drop him/her a quick note. It doesn't have to be elaborate, either. While a handmade card will be treasured for a long time, a quick email to say "hello, I miss you" would be appreciated as well.

Make a point to make a coffee or lunch date with your good friends. I usually try to have at least one of these dates a month. Just seeing them on my calendar makes me so happy. Occasionally I go out for a Girls Night Out. Since my kids were very little, they knew that Mommy needed her "playdate" just as much as they needed theirs. I always come home energized and happier, and the good mood could last for days or even weeks.

If you've ever gone out with your girlfriends, I'm sure your husband noticed the difference when you came home. That's a good reason to convince him that you should take turns to go out with your own friends, on a somewhat regular basis. It's good for your mental well-being as well as your relationship at home. If you don't have a partner to watch your kids, try to hire a sitter or team up with another mom, so you can spend some quality time with your friends sans your kids. Even though you and your friends might still spend your time talking about your kids, spending time with your friends alone will definitely lift your spirit.

It takes efforts to maintain friendships, of course. It's not always easy, especially when you've got a full plate already, but the investment in friendship is well worth it in the long run.

Be the one to reach out to your friends. Make a small (or grand) gesture to show that you are thinking of them today. Both you and your friends will thank you for that.

Celebrating YOU: The Leading Lady of Your Show

© Copyright 2007 Hueina Su, Beyond Horizon Coaching

Most people think about Valentine's Day, when they think about the month of February. It's important to celebrate your loved ones, and love in general. However, while you are busy planning a special evening with your special someone, I would like to remind you to celebrate YOU -- the most important (but often neglected) person in YOUR life.

Whenever I asked the question "Who is the most important person in your life?" My clients and workshop participants always answered "my husband/wife, my kids, my parents", etc.

NOT ONCE has someone answered "Me" or "Myself".

NOT ONCE.

I often joked that "If your answer is anyone but yourself, then you need to come see me ASAP!"

Think about it: What would your life be without YOU?

What would your loved ones' life be, without a healthy, happy and vibrant YOU?

When my clients said to me "But the show must go on", I asked "Whose show are you talking about?" I told them, "You may not realize this, but YOU are the Leading Lady of your show, the show that's Your Life".

Every single one of us is the Leading Lady (or Man) of our own life.

Now, let me make myself clear. This is NOT about being ego-maniac or narcissistic. It's about self love, the greatest love of all. (Remember that Whitney Houston song? Now that I mentioned it, I bet you can't get that song out of your head now, can ya?)

"But, ...."

I know, there's a big BUT coming up right at this moment....

You probably have convincing reasons why you are not the most important person in your life, and why you cannot afford to put your self-care as top priority.

As a professional life coach, consultant and mother of two, over the years I've heard many, many legitimate reasons as well as excuses (and the limiting beliefs behind them), from my clients, my friends, and my family. I have experienced many similar challenges myself, in my previous roles as a nurse, counselor, full-time stay-at-home mom, full-time working mom, small business owner, etc. Believe me, I know. It's not easy.

It's especially hard when you have some limiting beliefs around the issue of self love, self esteem and self-care. You know the limiting beliefs I'm talking about -- "I can't afford it", "I'm not worthy enough", "I don't deserve it", "I must take care of everyone else first (or else)", "If I say no, people won't love/like me any more", etc. etc. etc.

Does it ring a bell?

These limiting beliefs took years to form, and it will take some time and some hard work to overcome them. But, it's not impossible. When you can break free from these limiting beliefs, you will finally be free to be your authentic self, and free to create the life you truly desire. If you need some coaching around these issues, I'd be happy to help you.

Even when you are still chained to your limiting beliefs, you can still make a conscious choice, right now, to love and accept yourself, and to treat yourself with respect and some much needed TLC.

Remember, you are the Leading Lady and director of your own show. You are in charge and fully responsible for how your show turns out to be. If your show is competing for the Academy of Life Award, which categories will it be nominated? Which awards will you win?

This Valentine's Day, make a point to celebrate YOU, honor yourself, and give yourself the LOVE and star treatment you truly deserve.


*Read my previous articles on self love:
From Self Sacrifice to Self Love
The Magic Kitchen
The Snapshot of Your Life

HER Connection

Taking good care of your physical health is an important aspect of Intensive Self-Care. Don't forget to get your annual physical including a Pap smear and the HPV test (HPV is a virus that's been linked to cervical cancer). If you are a woman age 40 or older, you probably know you should take annual mammogram too.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. You can get all the information about breast cancer as well as how to get involved with National Breast Cancer Awareness Month at their website.

If you or someone you know have metastatic breast cancer, here is a useful resource I came across today.

Living day-to-day with and managing HER2+ metastatic breast cancer can be challenging. However, with some knowledge and support, you can face breast cancer head-on and HER connection is a program designed to help you do just that.

The HER connection program will provide you with resources you need to help you understand more about your disease. Enroll now to receive important information about your condition, your options, and how to partner with your healthcare team. In addition, you will receive a complimentary music CD "Healing Sounds". You will also receive a personalized Doctor Discussion Guide to print out, with essential information, including:

• Descriptions of the specialists who may be part of your healthcare team
• Explanations of the roles and responsibilities of these different team members
• Questions on a range of issues you may want to ask the different members of your team as you confront metastatic breast cancer

The HER connection program makes it easy for you to get reliable information about HER2+ metastatic breast cancer, as well as tips for coping with your emotional and physical symptoms. Simply visit HER connection to get started.

Take good care of yourself. You are irreplaceable.

Even a Warrior Princess needs a break

A month ago, when I returned from my first Kung Fu tournament with two gold medals, one of my Tai Chi Sword classmates greeted me with "Ah, here comes our W.P.!!"

I gave him an innocent, puzzled look: "What is W.P.?"

"Warrior Princess", he said.

Ah, he is soooo sweet. I was very flattered.

However, I don't feel like a Warrior Princess these days. The past two weeks I haven't been able to sleep well at all due to (what my doctor speculated to be) allergy-induced asthma. During the day I feel OK, but when the night comes I would gradually become unable to breathe. I also have a cold, which makes everything worse. As a result, I could barely sleep.

Back in April, I had a similar episode for more than a week, and that's why my doctor gave me an inhaler for emergencies. For the past 6 months, I've only had to use the inhaler for 3-4 times. But last week, I was using it 1-3 times every night! I often had to sit up on the bed, and ended up waking up sore all over. My chiropractor did some special treatment for me, and it seemed to help. I was able to go without the inhaler for several days (yay!) but the last two nights I had to use it again.

The lack of sleep is really getting to me. I feel like I'm in a fog. I haven't gone to Kung Fu or sword class, or done any exercise (except yoga) for two weeks now. Just too exhausted.

Last night I was supposed to go to a friend's party, but I totally forgot. When she called to see if I was coming, I felt a moment of guilt, but decided to tell her "sorry, I can't make it". She seemed very disappointed. I'm sure she'd understand. She is a good friend.

I decided to go to bed early instead. It was really early for me (10pm), but I decided that I really needed to rest. As a coach, I always stress the importance of Intensive Self-Care, and this is my turn to take care of myself. I've got to walk the talk, right? Besides, it's weekend, and nobody needs to get up early tomorow morning for school or for work anyway.

Even a Warrior Princess needs a break now and then.

Guess how long I slept last night? 12 hours!!! I woke up a few times, but fell back to sleep. I guess my body really needed the rest. In any case, I'm very glad I took care of myself. :-)

FREE "Intensive Self-Care Kit"

If you have been reading my articles and Newsletters on my other blog, you know that Intensive Self-Care is essential to your survival and well-being, and it's critical when you are in a nurturing position. It's like putting on your own oxygen mask FIRST before you help others, when the plane is in trouble.

This "Intensive Self-Care Kit" provides you insights, tips, practical tools & exercises to help you practice Intensive Self-Care, reduce stress, restore inner peace, manage life's changes with ease, achieve work/life balance, and live a more purposeful life. It's a valuable resource for ANYONE, especially for those who are in nurturing roles and/or professions (and that is YOU).

It's my gift to you, my fellow women nurturers. It's totally free of charge, and it's ready for you to download. Just go to my website to download this free gift now.

While you are at my website, you can take a 5-min goal-setting quiz and get your personalized Free Goals Report, read all about coaching & testimonials from my clients, subscribe to my free newsletter "Intensive Care for the Nurturer's Soul", download my radio interview recording, and find a wealth of resources for women nurturers.

If there is a gap between where you are, and where you want to be in life, and you are ready & willing to do something about it, then coaching can help. Find out if coaching is right for you by taking this quiz, then sign up for a 30-min telephone complimentary trial session.

Intensive Care for the Nurturer's Soul: FREE "Intensive Self-Care Kit" Available Now