TODAY at 2:00 pm EST: Building responsibility and self-discipline in your child without nagging, screaming, throwing a tantrum, or "Because I say so!"

** Don't forget to tune in TODAY for my Blog Talk Radio interview on this important parenting issue. **


Are you a parent of a pre-teen or teen? If not, please forward this important message to other parents you know.

Have you ever tried to get your child to do what he/she is supposed to do by nagging, screaming or resorting to "Because I say so"? I bet it didn't work so well, did it? You might have felt so frustrated that you wanted to throw a tantrum! (perhaps you did already!)

It's perfectly normal that you feel frustrated, stressed, worried, or even outright furious at times. Parenting is perhaps the most demanding and difficult job in the world. Ironically, none of us ever got pre-job training. For most parents, not so much on-the-job training, either. No wonder so many parents are so lost!

Parenting pre-teens and teens is a roller-coaster ride with many challenges. I know. I've coached many parents over the years, and I have a 13-year-old and a 10-year-old myself. It's not easy. I understand.

How do you build responsibility and self-discipline in your child without nagging, screaming, throwing a tantrum, yelling "Because I say so!" or anything else that could damage your relationship? I will be interviewed by parenting coach Joe Bruzzese on his radio show on this important parenting issue. Make sure you tune in this Thursday October 30th at 2:00 - 2:30 pm EST.

Topic: Building responsibility and self-discipline in your child without nagging, screaming, throwing a tantrum, or "Because I say so!"

We will discuss:

• What are the common mistakes parents make in parenting pre-teens and teens?

• What are the challenges for parents?
  

• 5 strategies to build responsibility and self-discipline in your child

You can either call in by phone, or log-on via your computer from anywhere with an internet connection. A recorded version of the show will be available on the website the following day.

Listen by Phone (646) 716-7230 When prompted dial 21634

Listen Online: go to www.Thinking-Forward.com at any point from 11:00 - 11:30 AM PST (2:00 – 2:30 PM EST) and click on the button that says, "Listen Live – Blog Talk Radio".

Hope you can tune in!

P.S. Visit Joe's blog Thinking-Forward for his daily (Monday-Friday) Internet TV show. He talks about all sort of issues concerning middle school kids and their parents. It's a great resource for any parents.

Funny Poem about Motherhood

Found this funny poem about motherhood. Enjoy!

* * * * * * *
Ode to Motherhood

Where did they go -
My beautiful hips,
look at what's left in their place....
Two handles of love
is what they say,
with stretch marks all over the place....

Where are they now
my perky firm breasts,
Oh there they are down there.....
Pointing towards my ankles
and knees,
hoisted up by the bras that I wear....

What happened to
my lovely smooth thighs,
They're covered in cellulite bulge...
they're thick and they're round
and it can't be from
all of the chocolate that I indulge...

I've said goodbye
to my firm and tight butt,
which is now as flat as a board....
It droops down to there
it hasn't a care
Yet it once seemed to be so adored....

There's no more nails
to paint blood red,
to be adorned with many gold rings....
They're cracked and chipped
and broken now
I no longer have time for such things....

But wait, what is that?
It's my fifth son's first smile,
and look it's because he loves me...
To him I'm the best
and most incredible thing
That his little eyes ever did see....

There'll be time later on
once he's all big and grown,
and he's got his own life to live...
For me to be sexy
and get it all back
But for now there's so much to give..

© Paula Pawson 2006

Ode to Motherhood

To all the moms:

Happy Mother's Day!

You have worked so hard, all year around. I hope you get to take a day off, and enjoy your special day. I hope you love the festivities and/or any loving gestures your family bestow on you. Even if none of your family is around to celebrate this day with you, I hope you make a point to do or have something you love today. Hey, this is your special day, and you totally deserve it.

I just called my Mom in Taiwan. None of us could spend Mother's Day with her, and my dad had to attend a meeting today. I was so glad to find that Mom was in a good mood, nonetheless. I said, "Well, Mom, since Dad is not home, you've got a day off! How are you going to celebrate your special day?" She told me cheerfully that she's got some ideas -- she might visit this or that city, do some shopping, visit her favorite coffee shop, etc. She was getting herself ready to go out and enjoy her free time. I'm pretty sure she is going to dress up and have fun out on the town. Way to go, Mom! That's the spirit!

Motherhood is life-changing. I'm positive that you'd agree with me. Being a mom has changed me on so many levels. It's the most challenging job I've ever taken on, and the most amazing journey I've experienced. I'd never trade it for anything in the world.

Before you go out for your Mother's Day celebration, here are some thoughts for you to ponder.

You are loving and caring... You give your children unconditional love, the highest level of love in the world. You are the go-to person when anyone needs TLC - a hug, a kiss, some encouraging words, or chocolate chip cookies. You are love, personified.

You are patient... Reading "The Little Engine That Could" for the 1,000th time, with the same level of joy and enthusiasm (even when you were so tired you could barely keep your eyes open); getting your toddler potty trained; helping your child with challenging homework; sewing your child's school play or Halloween costume... that takes patience.

You are committed... Hey, you took on a life-long commitment to be a mom, didn't you?!

You are strong and you persevere... Think about what you had to go through to bring your child to the world -- the pregnancy, the labor pain, the adoption process -- need I say more? Think about all the challenges you've gone through to take care of your children and make sure they are healthy, safe and happy. You are much tougher than you give yourself credit for.

You are disciplined... You get up every morning to take care of your family, cooking, feeding, bathing, cleaning... day after day, after day. If that's not discipline, I don't know what is.

You take charge and get things done... You are the one who organizes and coordinates everyone's schedules, and make sure nobody misses doctor's appointments, soccer practice, band concert, birthday party, anniversary dinner (even if you have to plan it yourself).

You know when to say no and stand your ground... You have no problem telling your toddler or teenager what they are not supposed to do, even if you know they are not gonna like you.

You are creative... You've created a loving home for your children. You use your creativity in the ways you show your love, the foods you cook, the stories you tell, the imaginative plays, the silly songs you make up, the garden you planted and all the family vacations and memories you help create.

You are powerful... You were given the power and privilege to co-create a life (your child), to help your child reach his/her full potential and create a better world. That's enormous power and responsibility.

You are beautiful... Have you ever looked deeply into your child's eyes and see your own reflection? You are absolutely beautiful... no laugh lines or stretch marks could ever diminish your beauty.

I hope you take a few moment here and let it all sink in.

Next time, when someone else, or that nasty little voice in your head, tells you that you are not loving enough, strong enough, pretty enough, disciplined enough, or that you are too "selfish" for taking care of yourself, or whatever, tell them to get lost. They simply don't know any better.

You are perfect and whole, just the way you are. You deserve to be loved and adored, just like you love and adore your children. Now, go ahead and celebrate this day the way you truly deserve.

Forward this message to any moms you know who could use a little validation or encouragement. As moms, we ought to support and empower one another.

Take good care of yourself... you are irreplaceable!

William Tell Overture for Moms

If you are a mom, you've got to watch this!!!

Several of my mom friends sent this to me. OMG, I laughed, and laughed, until tears came out!!! Hey, some say a good belly laugh equals crunches. This definitely counts -- all 2 minutes and 55 seconds of it! LOL!



Your Action Challenge: After you're done laughing, pass it on!

Journey into Love

Happy Mother's Day!!!

As I woke up to this beautiful sunny day this morning, having just returned from a whole day of empowering experience at the Morristown Women's Festival yesterday, I felt totally at peace and joyful. I felt loved. And, above all, I felt grateful.

It's been an absolutely amazing journey for me as a mother. My daughter is 11 and my son is 9 this year. I feel blessed to have my Mom and sisters (pictured, I was 3 months pregnant with my daughter in that picture), and so many wonderful girlfriends with me on this journey.

Just as we are growing our children, our children are growing us! I've learned so much about myself, and grown so much as a woman.

I hope you celebrate today, knowing that you are the perfect mom for your child(ren).

I hope you enjoy this day, knowing that no matter where you are on your life's journey, you are on the right path to become the woman you are meant to be.

I hope you trust and surrender to your Self, and relax into it.

I hope you let your Inner Goddess come out and play, even just for a day!

I hope you savor today, knowing that you are loved.

You hold within you the love you are seeking.

You are LOVE.

Written by Hueina Su on Mother's Day, May 13, 2007

Carnival of Family Life 1-Year Anniversity Edition

The Carnival of Family Life is celebrating its 1-year Anniversary at its founder Kailani's blog An Island Life this week. There are a whopping 61 submissions this week!

I have participated in a lot of blog carnivals, and I can honestly say that the Carnival of Family Life is one of those that consistently host high-quality articles. I'm very happy to be part of this 1-Year Anniversary edition this week. Make sure you go over there to check out those wonderful (and some downright hilarious) articles at the Carnival of Family Life this week!

My Little Thomas the Tank Engine

I came across this post on Reflections of Time today, in which a father talks about his 3 1/2 years old son's love for Thomas the Tank Engine. Ah, this brought back so many sweet memories!

My son CB used to be a HUGE fan of Thomas the Tank Engine when he was little. I bought him his first Thomas when he was about 1 year old, and he fell madly in love with Thomas at first sight! He would carry his little Thomas the Tank Engine wherever he went. He often quietly played with & stared at Thomas while lying on his tummy on the floor, until he fell asleep. Back then he couldn't tell me what's on his mind, but I often imagined he must be talking to Thomas in his mind and making up all sorts of adventures he and Thomas' friends could go on together.

His collection of Thomas & friends quickly grew, as his passion for Thomas and all trains grew with him. He's got so many engines, train tracks, videos, books, outfits, and of course, he had to be Thomas the Tank Engine for Halloween -- 3 years in a row! He could name ALL 100+ engines in the Thomas the Tank Engine series, and their different personalities. He had a big 24-piece floor puzzle of Thomas, and he could put together that puzzle upside down! We took him to ride the Thomas the Tank Engine (a full-size steam locomotive) at the Strasburg Railroad, TWICE in 3 years. That's how much we loved Thomas!

When he was about 2 1/2 years old, we went to my daughter's first piano recital (she was 5). LK did a great job playing her very first recital piece. When she was done, the MC gave her a little trophy that every kid who played in the recital got. LK excitedly ran back to me and DH to show us her trophy. What we did not expect was that CB walked straight up to the piano, while I was busy taking a picture of LK with her first trophy. The audience started giggling when CB walked right to the MC, handed the MC the Thomas the Tank Engine that he was holding, and proceeded to climb up the piano bench as if he was going to give a recital. The MC happened to be LK's piano teacher who, amused by CB's impromptu performance, turned to the audience and said, "I know he is not in the program, but, do you mind?" The audience burst into laughter and applauded for CB. So, in front of the full auditorium, CB performed his "Impromptu Op no. 1", which was about 10 seconds long, I think. The audience was cheering for him when he finished.

I had a picture of his very first (although informal) piano recital. He was so little sitting at the concert grand piano. Last winter (he was almost 9) when he was complaining about piano practice and saying he didn't like recitals, I told him about his very first piano recital. Of course, he didn't remember at all. His eyes drew very wide, as if I was telling some kind of fantasy adventure story.

Like all parents who wish their babies would never grow up, I thought CB's love affair with Thomas the Tank Engine would last forever. I knew that was my wishful thinking, but I didn't want to face the reality. He was still playing with Thomas when he was in second grade. Then, out of the blue, one day he told me, "Mom, I think I'm too old for Thomas".

"What? Too old for Thomas?!! But, but, you love Thomas soooo much!!!" I was in shock!

CB calmed explained to me that he liked Bionicles better now, and that I could give away ALL of his Thomas trains.

I couldn't believe my ears! My baby Thomas was all grown up!

I asked DH to put away all Thomas trains in the attic, and told CB that he could ask us to take them out when he wanted to play with them again. He never did. He has moved on to Bionicles, and he never looked back.

We finally decided to sell CB's train table last winter, because it's just sitting there taking up precious space in his little room. On a cold, rainy night, a young couple with a baby boy just over one year old came to look at the train table and bought it. I told them how much CB enjoyed that train table playing his Thomas & friends, and that their son will enjoy the train table for years to come. When they left with the train table, I felt like a part of me left with it.

It was the end of an era, a very important chapter of CB's life (and mine too). Somehow, I was the only one feeling sad....

Take Time for Friendships

© Copyright 2007 Hueina Su, Beyond Horizon Coaching

I remember reading a story about a mom telling her soon-to-be-married daughter to never let go of her girlfriends. At first the daughter thought she wouldn't need her girlfriends any more, since she was going to become a wife, and have her own family very soon. She did, however, heed her mom's advice. She kept in touch with her girlfriends over the years, and as she grew older (and wiser), she became more and more appreciative of her mom's advice and her girlfriends.

I, for one, can totally relate to that story.

My own mother, who loves me dearly, gave me a very different advice, though, before I became a mom myself. She told me, "Be prepared to sacrifice at least 10 years of your life for this baby". Yes, sacrifice. That's the exact word she used. I looked at her and nodded, like a good girl I've always been, but, the "rebelling" part of me was like "Sacrifice? 10 years? No way! What about me? What about my life???"

I know that "self-sacrifice" is a virtue in my culture (I wrote an article about this before), and my parents totally subscribe to that value. My mother basically cut off her ties with all her friends when she got married, partially because she thought that was "the right thing" to do, and partially because she was too busy helping my father's practice and raising the three of us. She took pride in being a "good mother" (she is a great mother, in fact), but, even as a young child, I could see her lonliness. There's a void in her heart that even her picture-perfect family couldn't fill.

So, on that day when my mother offered her motherly advice, I nodded in appreciation for her love, but knew that that's one advice I would not take. I knew deep in my heart of hearts that, I will love my children like no one else will love them, but, there's some part of me and my life I will not "sacrifice". My friendship with my friends is one of those things.

Over the years, I've made many dear friends, in school, at work, and through my children's friends. Some of my oldest friends have gone through the same life transitions as I did: college, graduate school, career, marriage, kids, 2nd career, etc. We've been through a lot together and separately. The guys who used to play tennis with me till sundown every weekend, are now playing a bigger game in the business world. The girls who used to play dress up with dreamy eyes, have since put on career suits or are busy dressing up their lovely kids. We used to travel to scenic spots and pose for each other's photographic "masterpiece"; now most pictures we take are about our own kids (most of my friends even leave themselves out of the holiday photo greeting cards).

We don't always keep in touch very often (you know how busy motherhood/fatherhood can be), and some of us don't even live on the same continent any more, but we've somehow managed to still keep each other "around" in our lives. You know the kind of friends who you can pick up the phone to talk to, after not hearing from each other for years, and still feel like you've never been apart? I was overjoyed when one of my best friends in high school got in touch with me (thank goodness for Internet), after we'd lost touch for more than 10 years!! It was such a precious gift to have her back in my life. We've got a lot of catching up to do, needless to say.

Last month, I was invited to speak at a local MOMS Club. This brought back SO many memories! There was a time when my husband and I moved a lot due to his job. We'd lived in 4 different states in 6 calendar years. When we made the move from Maryland to Delaware, I had to give up my career as a counselor, and we both made the decision that I would stay home for a while to take care of our 8-month old baby girl. When we moved, we only knew one couple in the state of Delaware, who lived half an hour away from us. I was totally unprepared for the transition from full-time working mom to full-time stay-at-home mom with my first baby, in a new city where we knew nobody, and our families hundreds of miles away. I missed my own office, my lunch break, my colleagues & friends, my paycheck, but most of all, my freedom. I was lonely and exhausted. Then one day I saw a flyer in the grocery store about MOMS Club, and that changed my life. I was so fortunate to have found a small group of moms with similar education & background (we were all professional women who decided to stay home for our first baby), and our babies were only a month or two apart. The weekly playgroup and the friendship I formed with these moms became my life-savor. We all went on to have our second (some of us had the third) child, and although most of us moved away after a couple years, most of us kept in touch and remained good friends till today (my daughter is 11 years old this year).

It's a rare gift in life to have good friends like that. I'm very blessed and grateful to have many in my life. How about you? Do you have friends you can lean on? Do you stay in touch with your dearest friends? Do you have some long lost friends that you would like to re-connect? Or, would you like to make some new friends who share your life experiences, passion or values? What are you waiting for? Life is too short.

"We will meet again my friend,
A hundred years from today
Far away from where we lived
And where we used to play.
We will know each others' eyes
And wonder where we met
Your laugh will sound familiar
Your heart, I won't forget.
We will meet,
I'm sure of this,
But let's not wait till then...
Let's take a walk beneath the stars
And share this world again."
-- Ron Atchison

Don't wait any longer. We're all extremely busy. When do you think you will actually have "free time" to connect with your friends? You've got to "make time" for friendships -- nurture the old ones and cultivate the new ones.

When you think of a friend, pick up the phone or drop him/her a quick note. It doesn't have to be elaborate, either. While a handmade card will be treasured for a long time, a quick email to say "hello, I miss you" would be appreciated as well.

Make a point to make a coffee or lunch date with your good friends. I usually try to have at least one of these dates a month. Just seeing them on my calendar makes me so happy. Occasionally I go out for a Girls Night Out. Since my kids were very little, they knew that Mommy needed her "playdate" just as much as they needed theirs. I always come home energized and happier, and the good mood could last for days or even weeks.

If you've ever gone out with your girlfriends, I'm sure your husband noticed the difference when you came home. That's a good reason to convince him that you should take turns to go out with your own friends, on a somewhat regular basis. It's good for your mental well-being as well as your relationship at home. If you don't have a partner to watch your kids, try to hire a sitter or team up with another mom, so you can spend some quality time with your friends sans your kids. Even though you and your friends might still spend your time talking about your kids, spending time with your friends alone will definitely lift your spirit.

It takes efforts to maintain friendships, of course. It's not always easy, especially when you've got a full plate already, but the investment in friendship is well worth it in the long run.

Be the one to reach out to your friends. Make a small (or grand) gesture to show that you are thinking of them today. Both you and your friends will thank you for that.

Carnival of Family Life is up at GNMParents

The Carnival of Family Life is up today at GNMParents. As usual, there are so many wonderful and some outrageously funny posts on parenting, family life, kids' funny behaviors, etc. And because holidays are approaching, there are quite a few posts about holiday preparation, family traditions, managing holiday stress, etc. I also submitted Pressure-proof Your Holidays and Thanksgiving Feast for Squirrels. Check out The Carnival of Family Life today!

Southern Summer Revisited

I was reading Southern Eye for a Northern Guy by Heather at Everything Under the Moon. It's part II of a series of four articles about the Southern four seasons, written for people from "the North" I suppose, and this article is about summer.

Ah, this brought back so many memories.... We moved from Delaware to southeast Texas at the end of May, 1998. If you know the Southern weather, as described by Heather's article, the summer begins EARLY in the South. When we landed in Texas at the end of May, we found ourselves in the 90 degrees heat and almost 100% humidity!!! We were overpowered by the incredible hot air when we walked out of the small airplane. My first thought was, OMG, my makeup is melting on my face! LOL

I grew up in Taiwan, which is a tiny little island in the Pacific Ocean, right next to Mainland China. We have subtropical weather, meaning hot & humid all year round. You would think that I would feel "right at home" when we moved to Texas. Ironically, I've never really liked the heat & humidity in Taiwan, especially in summer. For one thing, I have oily skin, and the combination of heat, humidity, sweat, dirt, etc. is a surefire formula for never-ending breakouts. When you started to have full-bloom acne at the tender age of 10, it's nothing but tragic!

It always amazed me, how these Southern ladies could keep their makeup & pantyhoses on all through summer -- in addition to their incredible big hair. I guess that takes true skills, which I didn't master and probably never will. Oh well. LOL!

We kinda got used to the heat & humidity in Texas after a while, but we NEVER got over the bugs. As Heather explains, "as nature has it, humidity breeds life. As a result, Southern Summers are over-run by large bugs. The further south you go, the larger the bugs. That is a scientific fact."

Yes, that IS an unfortunate scientific fact for people living in Taiwan and in the South. It gives me goose bumps, even now, to think about the giantic bugs we encountered in Texas..... the relentless mosquitos and fire ants. My son (4-month-old back then) was (and still is) very allergic to mosquito bites, yet all the mosquitos seemed to love his baby skin tremendously. Every time he got a mosquito bite, it would swell up and become a blister! Poor baby always got several blisters on him. None of the over-the-counter creams would help. The only thing that helped him was a prescription cream that his pediatrician gave us, which cost $50 every time we filled the prescription!! As you can see, the little mosquitos cost us a fortune. :-(

The fire ants were another major headache. They were vicious and they were EVERYWHERE! Once I stepped right into a fire ant hill in my own backyard, which we were unaware of. I was talking to a neighbor and backing up, without noticing where I was heading.... Hundreds of fireants climbed up my leg within seconds!!! It was a scary and painful experience. However, I was grateful that it was me, not one of my babies, who stepped into the ant hill!

We eventually moved back to the East Coast due to my husband's job. I can tell you that, although I miss our big house, our good friends, crawfish & all the yummy cajun food, I can TOTALLY live without the Texas weather and bugs!!! I so much prefer the four seasons in NJ. And even though winter is a little cold for me, that also means it's too cold for the mosquitos, and that's something to be grateful for.

More on "The Older Women Are On The Prowl"

I've received several comments and emails about my post "The Older Women Are On The Prowl" at The Carnival of Family Life two weeks ago. I really appreciate it. Sorry if you have stopped by & couldn't leave a comment on my blog. There's something wrong with Blogger's comment function. I tried to leave comments on someone's blogs today and Blogger wouldn't let me, either. :-(

Back to the subject. I was very tickled by all the comments & emails telling me how their own little girls (preschoolers and kindergarteners, mostly) are SO into their "boyfriends", even though most of them obviously don't know what it means to have a boyfriend. Some have even picked out their future husband already!

WOW, obviously our little girls are SO much more "advanced" than their counterparts in the "relationship game"!

That reminds me of a "Friends" episode (I LOVE that show! Don't you?) that showed a "wedding planning scrapbook" that Monica had compiled back in the 4th grade! Hmmmm, I don't recall being interested in wedding planning when I was in elementary school.

My LK wasn't into boys at all when she was in preschool, or kindergarten, or elementary school. She started middle school this year, so things might change soon (although I'm hoping for later than sooner). HOWEVER, I did remember vividly a conversation I had with another mom from her kindergarten class. She said that her son had a HUGE crush on LK, adding that he had "always preferred Asian girls". I remember he is Irish-American, blue eyes, fair skin, quite a good-looking boy. Now, I'm flattered that he liked my LK so much, but, we're talking about a 5-year-old boy here, and he's already had his mind set on an Asian bride! His mom and I had a really good laugh!

How hysterical is that?!!!!!

Going with the Flow

Holly at Holly's Corner wrote about navigating her life as a river that keeps flowing & changing directions. It keeps you on your toes with all the curves and bends.

The thing is, the river of life is always flowing. Sometimes it's simply impossible to go upstream. You only get to live this life once. There is no use crying over the spilled milk. All we can do is to focus on the present moment, and look forward.

Things change. People change. Even our own values, priorities, preferences change over time too. Sometimes you have to give up the "steering wheel" and just go with the flow.

Holly was saying how 15 years ago she wanted so much to have 5 or more kids, but after years of trying, she ended up adopting two children. When all the other soccer moms were saying how they would like to have more children, she found herself past that stage of her life. She actually appreciates the freedom of going out to eat or do things she likes. "Most especially", She said, "I’m basking in the glory of not having to carry a diaper bag around."

It brought a smile to my face when I read that. Just yesterday, a few moms at our bus stop had the same conversation. One of the moms has 3 girls: 11, 8 and 3. While we were waiting for the afternoon bus, she was busy chasing after her 3-year-old & couldn’t really keep a conversation with the rest of us. Another mom finally commented: “I don’t really miss THAT.” And the rest of us all said “Me either”.

Oh I remember those Wonder Years. How I enjoyed nursing & cuddling my babies, and doing everything for them! But, I also remember how sometimes I went all day without a meal or a shower, and staying up all night caring for a sick child & cleaning up vomits on the carpet. I remember when my ONLY identity was "LK's mom" or "CB's mom". I remember how I rarely got to do anything just for me.

My daughter just turned 11 & my son 8. As much as I love how cute they were when they were little, and as much as I treasure all that time we spent together, I wouldn’t trade my hard-earned freedom for the diaper bag again (no matter how fashionable they are made now). LOL!

Yup, my river of life is flowing, and I am going with the flow....

The Older Women Are On The Prowl!

I read this post by Jen at Stay-at-Home Motherdom today, called "The Older Women Are On The Prowl! (Parental Advisory)", and it cracked me up!!!

Jen talked about how her 3-year-old son (a real cutie) has an "older" (4-year-old) girlfriend in his preschool called Flower, who is a little too affectionate toward her son. She is thinking of "locking him in the house until he's 35", and pleading "LADIES, KEEP YOUR GIRLS AWAY!"

My son CB had a similar experience when he was perhaps 3 or 4 years old. He attended a Catholic Montessori preschool back then. At the Chrismas party for parents, I overheard a mom telling the sister how her daughter LOVED my son and talked about him every day at home. I was very skeptical when I heard that. I mean, CB was (still is) a real cutie pie. The sister called him "my handsome boy". However, my son had NEVER mentioned any girls in his class.

When I asked the sister about it, imagine my shock when she confirmed that there were TWO girls fighting over my son every single day -- fighting to sit next to him, and hugging & kissing him all the time!!! Later that semester, when I visited his classroom, I witnessed one of the girls "bear hug" him from behind during Circle Time. I had the same reaction as Jen did -- Aggghhh! LOL!

CB is now 8 1/2 years old. Over the years, there were always a few girls who were friendly with him, but nothing like those two "girlfriends" back in preschool. He kinda prefers to play with "the guys" and his Bionicles now, instead of girls. For now, Mommy is still his "Favorite Girl", and he is my "Funny Valentine". I know, things will change when he gets a little older, but I hope that day will not come too soon.....

My First Kung Fu Tournament

A few months ago, I set a goal to compete in a Chinese Kung Fu tournament in September. I've been taking martial art training for 5 years, but I just switched to Chinese Kung Fu and Tai Chi Sword training this year. It's very different from Tae Kwon Do (a Korean martial art) that I was accustomed to, but I really enjoy the new training. I know for me to do well in something, I need to challenge myself, and competing in a tournament is certainly a great challenge.

I'm no stranger to martial arts tournaments. I have competed and medaled in several NJ state & regional Tae Kwon Do Championships. But, this would be special because it would be my very first Chinese Kung Fu tournament. I figured, it would be a new adventure and fun experience for me. I told my classmates that I was doing it for fun and for the learning experience. I'm just a "new kid on the block" in the Kung Fu world. If nothing else, it would certainly make a good bedtime story for my future grandchildren. :-)

However, right before summer, I started to have a lot of neck and back pains. As it turned out, I have 4 mild disc herniations in my neck and my lower back. The entire summer I was spending many hours in tests and treatments. I started to feel unsure about the tournament.

There was less than 2 weeks left and I didn't even own a Kung Fu uniform. I finally had to ask myself: "Are you 100% committed or just sort-of, kind-of want to do this?" It's time to clean up my act. So, I got my Kung Fu uniform and matching tassels for my sword, and signed myself up for my very first Kung Fu tournament. This is the 2006 Wong Fei Hung North Eastern All Kung Fu Championships. It's sponsored by Yee's Hung Ga International Kung Fu Association and held in Jersey City, NJ on September 23, 2006.

Last night, my son had a huge fight with me, because he didn't want to spend the entire Saturday going to a Kung Fu tournament with me. My DH and I tried to explain to him that we all have to go together, because I need Daddy there to take pictures & video, and I need all of my family to support me. "Come on", I said, "it will be so cool to watch the lion dance and all the different weapon forms!!!" Well, he doesn't think that would be fun. He would rather stay home and play with his Bionicles. I know. I understand his preference, but I want him to understand that Mommy also has something that I'd like to pursue for myself, and it's very important that I stick to my goals, and it's very important that we support our own family. No matter what I said, he just kept saying "I just don't want to go" and started wailing.

After trying to console him with no avail, I got mad & walked away. It's the night before my tournament, as nervous as I already was, I really don't need this. I also felt hurt. When my son finally calmed down, I held him on the sofa and told him that he hurt my feelings. I told him that I would ALWAYS love him, but this time I was mad at him because his behavior hurt my feelings. All these years, I have worked so hard to support everything he did, everything he liked. And now it's my turn to pursue something I like. All I ask for is some moral support from him, and the least he could do is to go to the tournament WITHOUT complaints. "It's not all about you", I told him, "Sometimes you need to do something for other people, especially your family".

I want him to know that as a family, we need to support each other. In addition, the world does not revolve around him. Even Mommy and Daddy have our own lives, our own goals, and he needs to respect that.

So, today is the day. The tournament registration started at 8:00am, so we all had to get up really early, and loaded everything in the minivan. I looked at myself in the mirror, in a sky blue Kung Fu uniform, took a deep breath, and left the house. I guess my talk worked somehow. My son was quite cooperative today -- not so enthusiastic, but didn't complain either. It turned out to be a LONG day at the tournament, but it's all worth it.

It's such an exhilirating experience! It's so awesome to see so many martial artists, from so many different styles, showing off their skills under one roof. The adrenaline-pumping sparring matches were exciting to watch; nontheless, I personally prefer the forms competition. The forms are an artful combination of strength and grace. It takes hours and hours of practice, tremendous patience, focus and discipline to learn a form well. Skills aside, there is something beautiful about it, when you see a martial artist's total focus, intention and dedication while performing a form. Sometimes it moves me to tears. I guess that's why they call it martial "art".

Martial art traing has been very empowering for me. When I was training in Tae Kwon Do, one of our student creed was "To be victorious with patience and bravery". Those are the two qualities I've been trying to cultivate. I've proven to myself so many things I (or anyone else) never thought I could do. Seriously, I'm 5'3" and less than 110 pounds. Probably the last person you would suspect who takes martial art training. I've had to overcome a lot of limiting beliefs & fears -- on my part, and from everyone around me. My parents and my doctor just couldn't understand why I wanted to do this in the first place. LOL! I tried it out because my good friend kept asking me to, and never expected that I would be any good at it. But I quickly found out that I really enjoy the challenge and the sense of achievement that comes with doing something well. I was always amazed that I was so much stronger (mentally & physically) than I thought. Besides, this was something that's for me, and me only, and that's a big deal when you are a mom. :-)

Anyway, I competed in two categories today -- Northern Hand Form and Internal Weapons, both in the Executive Division (for people 36 and older). I did Mian Zhang Quen ("continuous palm") for the Northern Hand Form, and Wudang Tai Chi Sword for the Internal Weapons. I was very nervous for the hand form, because I had just finished learning the form about two weeks ago, and I didn't really have enough time to practice. Plus I was waiting by the ring side for SO long that I was STARVING (past 2:30pm and no lunch). I tried to do my best, but just didn't feel like I was able to execute the form with full power. After having something to eat, I did a much better job with Tai Chi Sword. One of the judges came up to me with a big smile, and asked me how long I had been training in Jiang (sword). He was pleased when I said "six months". What a relief! :-)

I'm very happy to report that I won 1st place for both categories!!! Yay, two more gold medals under my belt!!! I'm very proud that I stick to my goal despite the obstacles. The gold medals are sweet bonuses! I'm very grateful for my master, my family, and all my friends who have supported me on this journey. This will become one of my most treasured memories. And you can bet that it will be told to my grandchildren many years from now. :-)

picture with my master Gary Carbone (center) and my classmate Robert Matthews (Photo by Carole Rizzo)

at the tournament with my master Gary (left), classmates George (middle), Lance (right), their children, and my children

at the tournament with Master Frank Yee, founder of Yee's Hung Ga International Kung Fu Association

Lion Dance performance at the tournament

Parenting Lesson from the Amazing Giant Panda

We visited the national zoo in Washington D.C. over the 4th of July long weekend. It was over 95 degrees of heat & humidity, and as you can imagine, my children didn't appreciate the long march under the sun that we put them through. However, the short visit with the beloved baby panda Tai Shan made all the suffering worthwhile.

When we visited the zoo, Tai Shan was a few days shy of his 1st birthday. Considering he only weighed a few ounces at birth (at his one-month-old check-up, he was only 1.82 pounds and 12 inches long), he has grown amazing leaps and bounds within a short year!

When we arrived at the Giant Panda House, there was a huge crowd oohing-and-aahing over baby Tai Shan, who was walking proudly on a thin branch of a small tree in his habitat. The branch is very thin compared to his round body, but Tai Shan seemed to balance himself very well. The little fur ball is just sooooooo adorable! (well, he was almost 60 pounds, so technically, not very "little" any more, but that doesn't affect his CQ -- "Cute Quotient"). Tai Shan seemed to enjoy the attention from the crowd and was putting on a good show for all of us.


Then, all of a sudden, he lost his footing.... the crowd gasped! As you can see in this picture, his hind legs are hanging off the branch now.


Tai Shan tried to pull himself back on the branch, but his hind legs had nothing to grab on...


The situation went from bad to worse..... now little Tai Shan was hanging on to the thin branch with his front paws, and desperately trying to pull his heavy body up with no avail. Everyone became very anxious for him, some were cheering for him: "Com'n baby, YOU CAN DO IT!", and some were pleading "Where is his mom? Can somebody help him out?!!!"

Yeah, where is his mommy???!!! I looked around and saw Tai Shan's mommy Mei Xiang standing right outside of the Giant Panda House, hundreds of feet away from her baby cub. I thought she would come running to rescue her baby, as ANY human mommy would've by now. But, no, she seemed very cool and calm the whole time. She stroded a few feet toward her baby, looked at Tai Shan for perhaps half a minute (or less), then walked back to the house. She did came out to check on her baby the second time, but just like first time, she didn't even walk very close to Tai Shan at all, and again quickly retreated to the house.

I must say I was a bit puzzled by Mei Xiang's behavior. Perhaps I'm sometimes a little over-protective as a mom, just like my mom was when she was raising 3 daughters. Still, I couldn't believe how relaxed Mei Xiang seemed, as her first baby was losing his grip on a thin branch and about to fall to the ground any minute.

Tai Shan hung on to the branch for what felt like eternity. The inevitable finally happened.... as the crowd screamed in horror the baby panda fell flat on his back, on a pile of leaves & small twigs, etc. on the grass. He s-l-o-w-l-y picked himself up and dusted himself off. To our relief, he was not hurt. WHEW!!!!

Then-- I couldn't believe my eyes-- he proceeded to walk to a bigger tree nearby, and started climbing AGAIN!!! Well, this time he didn't get very far, because all the big trees are all wrapped with metal sheets that prevents him from climbing up. I bet the zoo keepers had a lot of experiences dealing with this highly active and adventurous baby panda. LOL

Then, it dawned on me -- NO WONDER Mei Xiang was cool as a cucumber while those of us in the audience were all freaking out. She must've seen this "routine" hundreds or even thousands of times during the past several months. All the past experiences gave her the confidence and assurance that her baby is very adventurous and very capable, and he will be all right. And her composure and confidence in her baby must've given Tai Shan even more self-confidence to explore the world and find his own way. It's almost like a mother's faith -- you've got to have tremendous faith (in your children and in the higher power) to be able to "let go". It's an act of love and acceptance to show your children that you believe in them and that's a lesson I learned from Mei Xiang today.

I thought about my own mom. Even though my sisters and I always consider her to be over-the-top over-protective of us, she did do something when I was little that was anything but. When I was 10, my mom sent me and my 9-year-old sister on an airplane to fly (from Taiwan) to Japan to visit our grandparents. Back then, Japan had very strict regulations that allowed only one visitor per person for foreigners that lived & worked in their country. That's why my grandparents could only invite the two of us, and my parents couldn't accompany us on the trip. I remember weeks before the trip, my mom tried her best to prepare us for the trip. She sewed hidden pockets in our undershirts to store our grandparents contact info, went over her "safety instructions" over and over again, and tried to teach us a few words in Japanese. So, we learned how to say "good morning", "how are you", "thank you" and count from 1 to 10 in Japanese, but that's about all our little heads could remember. Looking back, now as a mother of two myself, I can't imagaine how nerve-wrecking it must've been for my mom to hand us to the flight attendants, and wait painfully for 4-5 hours until they heard from our grandparents that they had picked us up from the airport (remember, this was pre-cell-phone era). We had a great time on the plane with all the toys & attention we received from all of the flight attendants, totally forgot about our parents waiting anxiously at home (so typical of kids, riht?) When the plane landed in Tokyo, we did have a little trouble because the customs officer asked for our passports and I of course couldn't understand a single word he said!!! Anyway, we had a great time with our grandparents in Japan that summer. Happy ending.

My daughter is 10 (almost 11) this year. If you ask me, there's NO WAY I'm going to let her fly to a foreign country either by herself or with her little brother (who is 8). In fact, I wouldn't even let her fly domestic on her own. I guess, as a mother, I'm not as brave as my mom, after all.


Tai Shan continued to try climbing a few other trees nearby. Meanwhile, Mei Xiang walked out of the Panda House again, and walked toward Tai Shan as if she was beaconing him to go home with her. Finally, Tai Shan decided to comply and walked toward his mommy. Then the two of them met up and walked back to their house. The crowd sighed of relief and satisfaction, and slowly scattered to go to other attractions.


My children got their own "pet Tai Shan" to bring home with them, and I've got all the photos & a great story to tell. I know I will never forget this amazing little panda and his admirable mother.

Tai Shan Photo Gallery

Watch Live PandaCam

Giant Panda Facts

The Lightest Panda Cub Born in Captivity (Beijing)

Brokeback Teddys

Last Sunday after dinner, my kids and I were lying on my son CB's bed, just hanging out & chatting. They love to play a game where they'd put one or more stuffed animals inside their shirt, and ask me to guess who that is. Of course, each and every one of their animals has a name (and they have a HUGE collection, as most American kids do), and they expect me to remember all of them. The weekend before my husband and I were cleaning out the boxes from the storage shed in our backyard. There was a whole box of stuffed animals that we intended to donate to the charity. But, since Vincent was the first one who uncovered that box, he and his sister Miranda claimed all the contents, which makes their stuffed animal collection MUCH bigger. As you can imagine, this makes the "animal guessing game" much more challenging for me.

Anyway, as we were lying there and playing with all the stuffed animals scattered on CB's bed, CB held up two brown teddy bears and, in a dramatic voice like the narrator of a romance movie, he exclaimed, "Look how cute they are! They are meant for each other!" I was amused by his comment but never expected what he was about to say next.... LK looked at the teddy bears and asked (naturally curious as any little girl, or grown woman, for that matter), "Um, which one is the girl and which one is the boy?" Without missing a beat, CB replied "They are both boys. They are gay." LK and I looked at each other and bursted into hysterical laughs, and CB quickly joined us. All three of us were rolling in bed, laughing!!!!! I thought to myself, OK, this is when you know you've let your kids watch too much "Will & Grace" with you! LOL

After we were able to catch our breath, I said, "Well, I guess this makes them 'Brokeback Teddys' ". Of course, at this point I had to explain where the term "Brokeback" came from. And, this is why these handsome bears are now known as the "Brokeback Teddys" in our house. They are doing their "Brokeback Tai Chi" poses. Don't they look cute? :-)