TODAY at 2:00 pm EST: Building responsibility and self-discipline in your child without nagging, screaming, throwing a tantrum, or "Because I say so!"

** Don't forget to tune in TODAY for my Blog Talk Radio interview on this important parenting issue. **


Are you a parent of a pre-teen or teen? If not, please forward this important message to other parents you know.

Have you ever tried to get your child to do what he/she is supposed to do by nagging, screaming or resorting to "Because I say so"? I bet it didn't work so well, did it? You might have felt so frustrated that you wanted to throw a tantrum! (perhaps you did already!)

It's perfectly normal that you feel frustrated, stressed, worried, or even outright furious at times. Parenting is perhaps the most demanding and difficult job in the world. Ironically, none of us ever got pre-job training. For most parents, not so much on-the-job training, either. No wonder so many parents are so lost!

Parenting pre-teens and teens is a roller-coaster ride with many challenges. I know. I've coached many parents over the years, and I have a 13-year-old and a 10-year-old myself. It's not easy. I understand.

How do you build responsibility and self-discipline in your child without nagging, screaming, throwing a tantrum, yelling "Because I say so!" or anything else that could damage your relationship? I will be interviewed by parenting coach Joe Bruzzese on his radio show on this important parenting issue. Make sure you tune in this Thursday October 30th at 2:00 - 2:30 pm EST.

Topic: Building responsibility and self-discipline in your child without nagging, screaming, throwing a tantrum, or "Because I say so!"

We will discuss:

• What are the common mistakes parents make in parenting pre-teens and teens?

• What are the challenges for parents?
  

• 5 strategies to build responsibility and self-discipline in your child

You can either call in by phone, or log-on via your computer from anywhere with an internet connection. A recorded version of the show will be available on the website the following day.

Listen by Phone (646) 716-7230 When prompted dial 21634

Listen Online: go to www.Thinking-Forward.com at any point from 11:00 - 11:30 AM PST (2:00 – 2:30 PM EST) and click on the button that says, "Listen Live – Blog Talk Radio".

Hope you can tune in!

P.S. Visit Joe's blog Thinking-Forward for his daily (Monday-Friday) Internet TV show. He talks about all sort of issues concerning middle school kids and their parents. It's a great resource for any parents.

The Beautiful Flower in the Broken Pot

I came across this beautiful story at IndiaInteracts, and just have to share this with you!


The Beautiful Flower in the Broken Pot
by Marissa

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. “Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.

Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, “Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. “I guess it's my face… I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments…"

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: “I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. “No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch.

He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair." He paused a moment and then added, “Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don"t seem to mind." I told him he was welcome to come again.

And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning.

As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.

Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.

“Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.

I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

Recently I was visiting a friend, who has a greenhouse, as she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all, a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket. I thought to myself, “If this were my plant, I"d put it in the loveliest container I had!"

My friend changed my mind. “I ran short of pots," she explained, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, till I can put it out in the garden."

She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining just such a scene in heaven. “Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. “He won't mind starting in this small body."

All this happened long ago - and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.

Hug O' War

In response to my previous post "Give a Hug, Spread the Love", a friend of mine sent me this beautiful poem by Shel Silverstein.

Hug O' War

I will not play at tug o' war,
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everone hugs,
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles,
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
Where everone cuddles.
And everyone wins.

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone played this game??

How We Met

Fun video - very creative!

Happy Thanksgiving and The Turkey Day Blue

I talked to my coach yesterday, and she asked me what my plans are for Thanksgiving. I said, "Well, my parents and in-laws are overseas, and my sister and cousins all seem to be too busy this year to get together. So, we (the four of us) are basically on our own this year."

Her response was, "Oh, I am SO envious of you! I'm going to my mom's for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and I'm SO not looking forward to it!"

Sounds like my coach has a serious case of Turkey Day Blue.

I guess we are lucky. My husband and I are so laid back this year. In fact, he suggested going to an all-you-can-eat Japanese seafood buffet for Thanksgiving dinner. We figured, none of us are huge fans of turkey. Honestly, I'm not interested in laboring for hours to cook something I'm not so crazy about, and the kids probably wouldn't miss it. Well, we were wrong. My son protested, when I mentioned that there won't be a turkey dinner this Thanksgiving. So, this was 9:30pm Monday night, 2 days before Thanksgiving, and DH and I were going online & calling up nearby grocery stores, trying to order a Thanksgiving dinner for four.

Of course, most of the places had either sold out their Thanksgiving dinners, or they required a big order like a party of 10 or more.

It's kind of funny, when you think about it. All I wanted was a very small turkey (so we won't be stuck, or I should say, stuffed, with turkey leftovers for weeks!) but my son wanted the mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and the whole 9 yards. Well, he is always the one in our family with the most "American stomach".

Did we find our turkey dinner? Yes, we finally found it on Tuesday, so yes, we will be having a traditional turkey dinner tonight, instead of Japanese sushi & seafood.

I'm very grateful for whatever dinner we have, and most of all, for my very beautiful, happy & healthy family who will be sitting at the dinner table together.

As for my poor coach (and anyone reading this) who's got the Turkey Day Blue, I send my sympathy and blessings.

I asked my coach this question, and if you also have the Turkey Day Blue, this would be a good question for you to ponder.

This is what I said to her: "Here is a coaching question for you: If your goal is to have more peace & joy and less stress, what would you commit to do differently this holiday season?"

P.S. If you can't answer that question, maybe you can benefit from my upcoming Teleclass "Joyful and Stress-less Holidays". Sign up here.

I wish you and your family
a very happy
(and hopefully relaxing)
Thanksgiving holiday!

Journey into Love

Happy Mother's Day!!!

As I woke up to this beautiful sunny day this morning, having just returned from a whole day of empowering experience at the Morristown Women's Festival yesterday, I felt totally at peace and joyful. I felt loved. And, above all, I felt grateful.

It's been an absolutely amazing journey for me as a mother. My daughter is 11 and my son is 9 this year. I feel blessed to have my Mom and sisters (pictured, I was 3 months pregnant with my daughter in that picture), and so many wonderful girlfriends with me on this journey.

Just as we are growing our children, our children are growing us! I've learned so much about myself, and grown so much as a woman.

I hope you celebrate today, knowing that you are the perfect mom for your child(ren).

I hope you enjoy this day, knowing that no matter where you are on your life's journey, you are on the right path to become the woman you are meant to be.

I hope you trust and surrender to your Self, and relax into it.

I hope you let your Inner Goddess come out and play, even just for a day!

I hope you savor today, knowing that you are loved.

You hold within you the love you are seeking.

You are LOVE.

Written by Hueina Su on Mother's Day, May 13, 2007

Carnival of Family Life 1-Year Anniversity Edition

The Carnival of Family Life is celebrating its 1-year Anniversary at its founder Kailani's blog An Island Life this week. There are a whopping 61 submissions this week!

I have participated in a lot of blog carnivals, and I can honestly say that the Carnival of Family Life is one of those that consistently host high-quality articles. I'm very happy to be part of this 1-Year Anniversary edition this week. Make sure you go over there to check out those wonderful (and some downright hilarious) articles at the Carnival of Family Life this week!

How Super Hubby Saved My Birthday

A week before my birthday, I was making a new vision board for myself. You know how it is when your birthday is approaching. It seems like a perfect time to re-affirm my vision and goals. After watching The Secret, I was inspired to put on my vision board an One Million Dollars bill (transformed from a regular one dollar bill, just like Jack Canfield did in The Secret).

At around the same time, Red Lobster had their Lobsterfest commercial on TV again. I don't know about you, but I LOOOOOOVE lobsters! Actually, I love all seafood, but lobsters, crabs and sushi are my top 3 all-time favorites. Unfortunately, I found out last year that I had a little asthma and allergies, so I'm not supposed to eat too much shellfish. :-( That's a different story. Anyway, because of the TV commercial, I started to crave lobsters really bad. So I hinted to dear hubby that I'd love to have a lobster dinner for my birthday.

Being the engineer that he is, DH took my hint literally and firmly believed that I wanted to go to Red Lobster for my birthday. That's easy enough, because there is one about 20 minutes from our house. On the other hand, the tricky part is, they don't take reservations on weekends. We've been to that restaurant before, and knew how popular that place is. If you go there at dinner time, you could easily have to wait for more than an hour to get a table.

I was very busy with work that whole week leading to my birthday, which happened to fall on the weekend, so I totally forgot about the Red Lobster commercial, and didn't suspect that DH was planning to take us there. I mean, Red Lobster is a nice normal-weekend restaurant, but I was hoping for a more upscale, romantic place for my birthday dinner. You know what I mean? But, of course, I didn't want to tell him directly that I wanted to go somewhere nicer -- a place that at least takes dinner reservations. That's my mistake -- not asking for what I really want. On the other hand, come to think of it, he was planning to bring our kids along the whole time, how romantic can it be? LOL!

So, on the day before my birthday (my birthday was on Sunday, don't ask me why DH decided to have my birthday dinner on the day before, not on my actual birthday), DH rushed all of us to Red Lobster before 5pm, hoping we could beat the dinner crowd. When we walked into the door, my heart sank. The lobby was jam-packed and there was a LONG line. We were told that we'd have to wait ONE HOUR for our table. I turned and walked out. No way am I going to wait for an hour for my birthday dinner!!!

"OK, what's your Plan B? Where should we go now?" I asked DH.

He just stared at me with a blank look. Then he said hesitantly, "Um, I don't know what other restaurants are around here".

Oh no. Oh no no no no no. He didn't have a Plan B?!!!!!

I said, "How about Legal Seafood? I'm sure they have very nice seafood and lobsters there."

DH protested, "But that's not around here." (OK, it's about 20 or 30 minutes away, but, hey, so much better food over there!)

After much hesitation, DH finally said, "How about Outback?" (OK, another normal-weekend restaurant)

"Fine. Whatever." (you know what those words mean, when spoken by a woman)

By that time, I was fuming, partially because I was getting too hungry.

So, we loaded everyone back in the minivan and drove across a couple towns (in the opposite direction) to go to Outback. I decided to take the matters into my own hands. I couldn't risk driving all the way over there, and found out they were closed or we couldn't get in, etc. My blood sugar was getting too low, and I started to have a bad headache. So I called 411 and then the restaurant, to make sure they have lobsters on the menu, and to make a reservation for us. After that, I was too upset to talk. I pulled out my iPod and listened to some meditation music, trying to calm down.

When we got to the restaurant, there was another LONG line. Luckily, because I called ahead, our wait was a lot shorter. But, still, we had to wait another 25 minutes. So, an hour and a half after we left home, dinner was still nowhere to be found.....

While we were waiting, DH gave me a small gift bag. I could see a birthday card and something wrapped in tissue paper. I was so mad at him that I wasn't even curious what he's got for me. It wasn't until the middle of the dinner, when I was no longer hungry, that I started to lighten up and enjoy the dinner & my family. I thought, LK and CB were behaving exceptionally well. Usually they'd have whined terribly if they had to wait a long time for dinner. But this time they were waiting quite patiently (the small piece of extra dark chocolate I gave to CB also helped). They seemed very excited about the birthday gift DH got for me. It's like their big secret with their daddy. I finally started to feel curious about the gift.

I thought, it's probably some jewelry, or clothes, or bath products, or spa gift certificate. You know, the usual.

DH wasn't THAT creative in gift-giving. In fact, I sometimes cringe at his choice of jewelry and stuff.

Never in a million years did I expect the gift that DH gave me. I should've given him more credit.

When I pulled out the gift from the gift bag, I was speechless.

DH had ordered for me a tempered glass plaque-like trophy with the engraving "Million Dollar Life Coach". It is so beautiful. I couldn't believe he thought of that idea!!!

He said he got the inspiration when he saw the One Million Dollars bill on my vision board. he obviously knew how much coaching means to me, and my desire to empower other women through coaching and writing. I wanted to have the money so I could have more power to help more people and give back to the world.

It is a rare gift when someone upholds your vision for you, and truly believe in you. I was moved to tears.

For the rest of the night, I couldn't stop smiling.

I put my trophy on top of my dresser. I also put a photo of it on the vision board in my office, so I can see it every single day.

So, this is how Super Hubby saved my birthday. Quite a great save, wouldn't you agree? :)

Take Time for Friendships

© Copyright 2007 Hueina Su, Beyond Horizon Coaching

I remember reading a story about a mom telling her soon-to-be-married daughter to never let go of her girlfriends. At first the daughter thought she wouldn't need her girlfriends any more, since she was going to become a wife, and have her own family very soon. She did, however, heed her mom's advice. She kept in touch with her girlfriends over the years, and as she grew older (and wiser), she became more and more appreciative of her mom's advice and her girlfriends.

I, for one, can totally relate to that story.

My own mother, who loves me dearly, gave me a very different advice, though, before I became a mom myself. She told me, "Be prepared to sacrifice at least 10 years of your life for this baby". Yes, sacrifice. That's the exact word she used. I looked at her and nodded, like a good girl I've always been, but, the "rebelling" part of me was like "Sacrifice? 10 years? No way! What about me? What about my life???"

I know that "self-sacrifice" is a virtue in my culture (I wrote an article about this before), and my parents totally subscribe to that value. My mother basically cut off her ties with all her friends when she got married, partially because she thought that was "the right thing" to do, and partially because she was too busy helping my father's practice and raising the three of us. She took pride in being a "good mother" (she is a great mother, in fact), but, even as a young child, I could see her lonliness. There's a void in her heart that even her picture-perfect family couldn't fill.

So, on that day when my mother offered her motherly advice, I nodded in appreciation for her love, but knew that that's one advice I would not take. I knew deep in my heart of hearts that, I will love my children like no one else will love them, but, there's some part of me and my life I will not "sacrifice". My friendship with my friends is one of those things.

Over the years, I've made many dear friends, in school, at work, and through my children's friends. Some of my oldest friends have gone through the same life transitions as I did: college, graduate school, career, marriage, kids, 2nd career, etc. We've been through a lot together and separately. The guys who used to play tennis with me till sundown every weekend, are now playing a bigger game in the business world. The girls who used to play dress up with dreamy eyes, have since put on career suits or are busy dressing up their lovely kids. We used to travel to scenic spots and pose for each other's photographic "masterpiece"; now most pictures we take are about our own kids (most of my friends even leave themselves out of the holiday photo greeting cards).

We don't always keep in touch very often (you know how busy motherhood/fatherhood can be), and some of us don't even live on the same continent any more, but we've somehow managed to still keep each other "around" in our lives. You know the kind of friends who you can pick up the phone to talk to, after not hearing from each other for years, and still feel like you've never been apart? I was overjoyed when one of my best friends in high school got in touch with me (thank goodness for Internet), after we'd lost touch for more than 10 years!! It was such a precious gift to have her back in my life. We've got a lot of catching up to do, needless to say.

Last month, I was invited to speak at a local MOMS Club. This brought back SO many memories! There was a time when my husband and I moved a lot due to his job. We'd lived in 4 different states in 6 calendar years. When we made the move from Maryland to Delaware, I had to give up my career as a counselor, and we both made the decision that I would stay home for a while to take care of our 8-month old baby girl. When we moved, we only knew one couple in the state of Delaware, who lived half an hour away from us. I was totally unprepared for the transition from full-time working mom to full-time stay-at-home mom with my first baby, in a new city where we knew nobody, and our families hundreds of miles away. I missed my own office, my lunch break, my colleagues & friends, my paycheck, but most of all, my freedom. I was lonely and exhausted. Then one day I saw a flyer in the grocery store about MOMS Club, and that changed my life. I was so fortunate to have found a small group of moms with similar education & background (we were all professional women who decided to stay home for our first baby), and our babies were only a month or two apart. The weekly playgroup and the friendship I formed with these moms became my life-savor. We all went on to have our second (some of us had the third) child, and although most of us moved away after a couple years, most of us kept in touch and remained good friends till today (my daughter is 11 years old this year).

It's a rare gift in life to have good friends like that. I'm very blessed and grateful to have many in my life. How about you? Do you have friends you can lean on? Do you stay in touch with your dearest friends? Do you have some long lost friends that you would like to re-connect? Or, would you like to make some new friends who share your life experiences, passion or values? What are you waiting for? Life is too short.

"We will meet again my friend,
A hundred years from today
Far away from where we lived
And where we used to play.
We will know each others' eyes
And wonder where we met
Your laugh will sound familiar
Your heart, I won't forget.
We will meet,
I'm sure of this,
But let's not wait till then...
Let's take a walk beneath the stars
And share this world again."
-- Ron Atchison

Don't wait any longer. We're all extremely busy. When do you think you will actually have "free time" to connect with your friends? You've got to "make time" for friendships -- nurture the old ones and cultivate the new ones.

When you think of a friend, pick up the phone or drop him/her a quick note. It doesn't have to be elaborate, either. While a handmade card will be treasured for a long time, a quick email to say "hello, I miss you" would be appreciated as well.

Make a point to make a coffee or lunch date with your good friends. I usually try to have at least one of these dates a month. Just seeing them on my calendar makes me so happy. Occasionally I go out for a Girls Night Out. Since my kids were very little, they knew that Mommy needed her "playdate" just as much as they needed theirs. I always come home energized and happier, and the good mood could last for days or even weeks.

If you've ever gone out with your girlfriends, I'm sure your husband noticed the difference when you came home. That's a good reason to convince him that you should take turns to go out with your own friends, on a somewhat regular basis. It's good for your mental well-being as well as your relationship at home. If you don't have a partner to watch your kids, try to hire a sitter or team up with another mom, so you can spend some quality time with your friends sans your kids. Even though you and your friends might still spend your time talking about your kids, spending time with your friends alone will definitely lift your spirit.

It takes efforts to maintain friendships, of course. It's not always easy, especially when you've got a full plate already, but the investment in friendship is well worth it in the long run.

Be the one to reach out to your friends. Make a small (or grand) gesture to show that you are thinking of them today. Both you and your friends will thank you for that.

If someone said you fight like a girl....

If someone said you "fight like a girl", take it as a compliment.


This picture was taken more than a year ago, when I was still training in Tae Kwon Do. My master asked an all-female panel of judges to judge color belt tests in our school. From left to right is Jenny, Vicky, Ute and me. Jenny was a 2nd Dan Black Belt, while the rest of us were 1st Dan. We were so proud to be the judges. Shortly after this test, Ute moved to Switzerland. Vicky and I eventually stopped Tae Kwon Do training and Jenny went on to get her 3rd Dan Black Belt. Gone were the good old days when I got to train with my good friends every week.... I've since started Kung Fu and Tai Chi Sword training, and it's been great, but I will always remember the fun I had with my girlfriends.

2004 Black Belt Dinner

singing our heart out...

holiday dinner at LeCirque

holiday brunch at Ute's