The Beautiful Flower in the Broken Pot

I came across this beautiful story at IndiaInteracts, and just have to share this with you!


The Beautiful Flower in the Broken Pot
by Marissa

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. “Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.

Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, “Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. “I guess it's my face… I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments…"

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: “I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. “No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch.

He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair." He paused a moment and then added, “Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don"t seem to mind." I told him he was welcome to come again.

And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning.

As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.

Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.

“Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"

Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.

I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

Recently I was visiting a friend, who has a greenhouse, as she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all, a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket. I thought to myself, “If this were my plant, I"d put it in the loveliest container I had!"

My friend changed my mind. “I ran short of pots," she explained, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, till I can put it out in the garden."

She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining just such a scene in heaven. “Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. “He won't mind starting in this small body."

All this happened long ago - and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.

Happy Thanksgiving and The Turkey Day Blue

I talked to my coach yesterday, and she asked me what my plans are for Thanksgiving. I said, "Well, my parents and in-laws are overseas, and my sister and cousins all seem to be too busy this year to get together. So, we (the four of us) are basically on our own this year."

Her response was, "Oh, I am SO envious of you! I'm going to my mom's for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and I'm SO not looking forward to it!"

Sounds like my coach has a serious case of Turkey Day Blue.

I guess we are lucky. My husband and I are so laid back this year. In fact, he suggested going to an all-you-can-eat Japanese seafood buffet for Thanksgiving dinner. We figured, none of us are huge fans of turkey. Honestly, I'm not interested in laboring for hours to cook something I'm not so crazy about, and the kids probably wouldn't miss it. Well, we were wrong. My son protested, when I mentioned that there won't be a turkey dinner this Thanksgiving. So, this was 9:30pm Monday night, 2 days before Thanksgiving, and DH and I were going online & calling up nearby grocery stores, trying to order a Thanksgiving dinner for four.

Of course, most of the places had either sold out their Thanksgiving dinners, or they required a big order like a party of 10 or more.

It's kind of funny, when you think about it. All I wanted was a very small turkey (so we won't be stuck, or I should say, stuffed, with turkey leftovers for weeks!) but my son wanted the mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and the whole 9 yards. Well, he is always the one in our family with the most "American stomach".

Did we find our turkey dinner? Yes, we finally found it on Tuesday, so yes, we will be having a traditional turkey dinner tonight, instead of Japanese sushi & seafood.

I'm very grateful for whatever dinner we have, and most of all, for my very beautiful, happy & healthy family who will be sitting at the dinner table together.

As for my poor coach (and anyone reading this) who's got the Turkey Day Blue, I send my sympathy and blessings.

I asked my coach this question, and if you also have the Turkey Day Blue, this would be a good question for you to ponder.

This is what I said to her: "Here is a coaching question for you: If your goal is to have more peace & joy and less stress, what would you commit to do differently this holiday season?"

P.S. If you can't answer that question, maybe you can benefit from my upcoming Teleclass "Joyful and Stress-less Holidays". Sign up here.

I wish you and your family
a very happy
(and hopefully relaxing)
Thanksgiving holiday!

THE Shortcut to Joy

© copyright 2007 Hueina Su, Beyond Horizon Coaching

The other day, I was presenting a workshop called "C.P.R. for a Balanced Life". One of the principles I shared was "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." This principle always seems to strike a chord in the audience, and they often ask "How can you not suffer when bad things happen?"


Happiness is a Choice

Do you believe that life is supposed to be joyful and happiness is a choice?

Some people believe that life is all about pain and suffering. Some even act like the more they suffer, and/or self-sacrifice (think martyr), they will be able to collect some kind of reward at the end of life. Since our thoughts & beliefs create our reality, if you buy into that kind of beliefs, I think the only reward you will get is a self-fulfilling prophecy of a life full of suffering.

Sure, it's much easier to be happy when your life is all wine and roses. However, as you must have experienced, most of the times, things don't necessarily go our way. Sometimes, bad things do happen to good people, including you and me. That's when your free will and choice come into play.

Do you choose to see the glass as half-full or half-empty?

Do you choose to play victim and drown in self-pity, or do you choose to take 100% responsibility and take charge to find solutions?

Can you choose to see the positive side in everything, and be at peace no matter what?

Sometimes we have no control over the circumstances or events that happen in our life. If we were to change how we feel, the only thing we could change is how we interpret and respond to the events. There is always more than one way of looking at things. It really depends on from which angle you look at it.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. We may or may not see it, or appreciate it, but whatever happens in our lives is meant to help us grow into who we are meant to be, or help us move forward on our journey. When you choose to take on this belief, it would be easier to accept and be at peace with whatever you perceive as negative circumstances that you cannot change.


Uncommon Blessings

Sometimes when you are going through a particularly challenging time of your life, it might not be so easy to find the blessings. Can you recall something from your past that you thought was THE worst thing that could happen to you, and yet years later you realized that was actually a blessing in disguise? We all have this type of experience. What does it tell you? If you believe in a Higher Power and a Master Plan, it would be a little easier for you to trust that everything will work out eventually for your best interest. So, instead of suffering through it, why not choose to believe that it's a blessing in disguise, and choose to find the positive and/or the lesson presented to you.

Years ago I came to US for graduate school. I was very excited about the opportunity to live in a new country and pursue a graduate degree. However, within the first month, I had to have an emergency surgery, and ended up having to withdraw from all classes for the entire semester. I was devastated. The doctor came to congratulate me when he was about to discharge me and noticed that I seemed depressed. He couldn't understand why, since the surgery was very successful and it probably saved my life. I told him that I was very disappointed that I had to withdraw from all classes and waste the whole semester. It seemed like such a huge disaster back then. However, years later when I look back, all I feel is gratitude. I'm so grateful for those friends who took me to the ER in the middle of the night, and everyone who took care of me after the surgery. I'm grateful for the skillful doctor who cured a painful condition that had plagued me for years. I'm also grateful for those 3 months I got to spend in recovery. It took me a long time to realize that, that was the only 3 months in my adult life that I did not have a job, or school, or family. Hey, I didn't even have a boyfriend. I didn't have to take care of anything, or anyone. The only task I had in those 3 months was to focus on healing myself, and doing whatever I enjoyed doing. Coming out of a demanding nursing job and a challenging relationship, that was just the break I needed, before jumping into a new chapter in my life. It was, indeed, a blessing in disguise.


THE Shortcut to Joy

If all else fails, and you can't get out of a foul mood, I highly recommend that you take THE shortcut to joy -- count your blessings. I'm sure it's not difficult to find plenty of people and things that you are grateful for in your life. Bring them into your mind's eyes, and say thank-you silently to each one of them. Better yet, call or write to some of the people you are grateful for, and let them know how much you appreciate them. Trust me, you will feel better almost instantly.

So, here's my "Rx for Joy" for you: Count your blessings. Stat. Repeat as necessary.

"Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."
-- Charles Dickens

Take Time for Friendships

© Copyright 2007 Hueina Su, Beyond Horizon Coaching

I remember reading a story about a mom telling her soon-to-be-married daughter to never let go of her girlfriends. At first the daughter thought she wouldn't need her girlfriends any more, since she was going to become a wife, and have her own family very soon. She did, however, heed her mom's advice. She kept in touch with her girlfriends over the years, and as she grew older (and wiser), she became more and more appreciative of her mom's advice and her girlfriends.

I, for one, can totally relate to that story.

My own mother, who loves me dearly, gave me a very different advice, though, before I became a mom myself. She told me, "Be prepared to sacrifice at least 10 years of your life for this baby". Yes, sacrifice. That's the exact word she used. I looked at her and nodded, like a good girl I've always been, but, the "rebelling" part of me was like "Sacrifice? 10 years? No way! What about me? What about my life???"

I know that "self-sacrifice" is a virtue in my culture (I wrote an article about this before), and my parents totally subscribe to that value. My mother basically cut off her ties with all her friends when she got married, partially because she thought that was "the right thing" to do, and partially because she was too busy helping my father's practice and raising the three of us. She took pride in being a "good mother" (she is a great mother, in fact), but, even as a young child, I could see her lonliness. There's a void in her heart that even her picture-perfect family couldn't fill.

So, on that day when my mother offered her motherly advice, I nodded in appreciation for her love, but knew that that's one advice I would not take. I knew deep in my heart of hearts that, I will love my children like no one else will love them, but, there's some part of me and my life I will not "sacrifice". My friendship with my friends is one of those things.

Over the years, I've made many dear friends, in school, at work, and through my children's friends. Some of my oldest friends have gone through the same life transitions as I did: college, graduate school, career, marriage, kids, 2nd career, etc. We've been through a lot together and separately. The guys who used to play tennis with me till sundown every weekend, are now playing a bigger game in the business world. The girls who used to play dress up with dreamy eyes, have since put on career suits or are busy dressing up their lovely kids. We used to travel to scenic spots and pose for each other's photographic "masterpiece"; now most pictures we take are about our own kids (most of my friends even leave themselves out of the holiday photo greeting cards).

We don't always keep in touch very often (you know how busy motherhood/fatherhood can be), and some of us don't even live on the same continent any more, but we've somehow managed to still keep each other "around" in our lives. You know the kind of friends who you can pick up the phone to talk to, after not hearing from each other for years, and still feel like you've never been apart? I was overjoyed when one of my best friends in high school got in touch with me (thank goodness for Internet), after we'd lost touch for more than 10 years!! It was such a precious gift to have her back in my life. We've got a lot of catching up to do, needless to say.

Last month, I was invited to speak at a local MOMS Club. This brought back SO many memories! There was a time when my husband and I moved a lot due to his job. We'd lived in 4 different states in 6 calendar years. When we made the move from Maryland to Delaware, I had to give up my career as a counselor, and we both made the decision that I would stay home for a while to take care of our 8-month old baby girl. When we moved, we only knew one couple in the state of Delaware, who lived half an hour away from us. I was totally unprepared for the transition from full-time working mom to full-time stay-at-home mom with my first baby, in a new city where we knew nobody, and our families hundreds of miles away. I missed my own office, my lunch break, my colleagues & friends, my paycheck, but most of all, my freedom. I was lonely and exhausted. Then one day I saw a flyer in the grocery store about MOMS Club, and that changed my life. I was so fortunate to have found a small group of moms with similar education & background (we were all professional women who decided to stay home for our first baby), and our babies were only a month or two apart. The weekly playgroup and the friendship I formed with these moms became my life-savor. We all went on to have our second (some of us had the third) child, and although most of us moved away after a couple years, most of us kept in touch and remained good friends till today (my daughter is 11 years old this year).

It's a rare gift in life to have good friends like that. I'm very blessed and grateful to have many in my life. How about you? Do you have friends you can lean on? Do you stay in touch with your dearest friends? Do you have some long lost friends that you would like to re-connect? Or, would you like to make some new friends who share your life experiences, passion or values? What are you waiting for? Life is too short.

"We will meet again my friend,
A hundred years from today
Far away from where we lived
And where we used to play.
We will know each others' eyes
And wonder where we met
Your laugh will sound familiar
Your heart, I won't forget.
We will meet,
I'm sure of this,
But let's not wait till then...
Let's take a walk beneath the stars
And share this world again."
-- Ron Atchison

Don't wait any longer. We're all extremely busy. When do you think you will actually have "free time" to connect with your friends? You've got to "make time" for friendships -- nurture the old ones and cultivate the new ones.

When you think of a friend, pick up the phone or drop him/her a quick note. It doesn't have to be elaborate, either. While a handmade card will be treasured for a long time, a quick email to say "hello, I miss you" would be appreciated as well.

Make a point to make a coffee or lunch date with your good friends. I usually try to have at least one of these dates a month. Just seeing them on my calendar makes me so happy. Occasionally I go out for a Girls Night Out. Since my kids were very little, they knew that Mommy needed her "playdate" just as much as they needed theirs. I always come home energized and happier, and the good mood could last for days or even weeks.

If you've ever gone out with your girlfriends, I'm sure your husband noticed the difference when you came home. That's a good reason to convince him that you should take turns to go out with your own friends, on a somewhat regular basis. It's good for your mental well-being as well as your relationship at home. If you don't have a partner to watch your kids, try to hire a sitter or team up with another mom, so you can spend some quality time with your friends sans your kids. Even though you and your friends might still spend your time talking about your kids, spending time with your friends alone will definitely lift your spirit.

It takes efforts to maintain friendships, of course. It's not always easy, especially when you've got a full plate already, but the investment in friendship is well worth it in the long run.

Be the one to reach out to your friends. Make a small (or grand) gesture to show that you are thinking of them today. Both you and your friends will thank you for that.