Happy Holidays!

Wishing you and your family a joyful holiday season!

Love in Action

"Christmas, my child, is love in action... every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas." -- Dale Evans Rogers, 1912-2001, American Movie Star, Singer and Songwriter

The spirit of holidays is sharing and giving. There are a lot of people who are less fortunate than us. Why not find a worthy charity to send your donations or volunteer for a good cause during the holidays?

One of the charities I've supported for more than 10 years is Plan (formerly ChildReach). Plan was founded in 1937 and its mission is to achieve lasting improvements in the quality of life of deprived children in developing countries. Plan began as a child sponsorship organization. Today, they are one of the oldest and largest organizations of its kind— their grassroots, self-help programs assist more than 10 million children and their families in poor communities around the world (63 countries). The money received from a child's sponsor not only goes to the child & his/her family, but also goes to improve the overall quality of life for the entire village the child lives. They have programs to help the families become financially self-sufficient, and provide better health care, education, water quality, etc. for the entire community.

The girl in the picture is my "sponsored child" Tran Ly who lives in Vietnam with her parents and little brother. Isn't she beautiful? I've sponsored her since she was less than 1 year old, and now she is almost 12. Since I started sponsoring her, her family had built a new house (they were so proud of it) and their village had also made much progress in many areas, with the help of Plan's programs and resources. Plan mailed me progress reports, letters from her parents, Ly's drawings, and Ly's pictures several times a year. Their volunteers translate our correspondences to each other, so we can stay in touch. It's been a very rewarding experience for me. Ly is only 5 months older than my own daughter. I hope someday we can visit her & her family in Vietnam and she can meet my daughter too.

What's your favorite charity and/or volunteer work? This holiday season, find something worthy of your support, and invite your family and community to get involved too.

Original Answers Before Edited by Elves....

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer
Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Friend,
Billy

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Dear Billy,.
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in
lawncare. How about I send you a book so you
can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa

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,

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

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Dear Sarah, .
Your parents smoked pot when
they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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,

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for
Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and
daddy to get back together. Please see
what you can do.

Love, Teddy

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Dear Teddy, .
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that
up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass
constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send
you some Legos instead.

Santa

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,

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 3, a train, some
G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

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Dear Francis,.
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays.
I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa

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,

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree,
and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the
back door.

Love, Susan

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Dear Susan, .
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer
fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want
to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa

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,

Dear Santa,
What do yo! u do the other 364 days of
the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

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Dear Thomas, .
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno
films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the
asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa

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,

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

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Dear Jessica, .
Are you really that gullible?  Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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,

Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please,
please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?

Love, Timmy

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Dear Timmy, .
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
sweater again.

Santa

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,

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house.
How do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

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Dear Mark, .
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't
live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does,
through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

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Riddle

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.
* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *

A Man Who Knows His Math

* Like I wrote before, women are grumpier in the morning....

---------------
He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out is window and gave the woman the finger.

" Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the res t of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that ha s a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.


Give her the finger? I don't think so.

Carnival of Family Life is up at GNMParents

The Carnival of Family Life is up today at GNMParents. As usual, there are so many wonderful and some outrageously funny posts on parenting, family life, kids' funny behaviors, etc. And because holidays are approaching, there are quite a few posts about holiday preparation, family traditions, managing holiday stress, etc. I also submitted Pressure-proof Your Holidays and Thanksgiving Feast for Squirrels. Check out The Carnival of Family Life today!

Please support Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act

Call to action: Please sign the petition for "Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act of 2005"

If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the "drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on. Please visit the website below to read more about this, and sign the petition to show your support.

This is an important legislation for ALL women! If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times.

PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number.

www.lifetimetv.com/health/breast_mastectomy_pledge.html

This takes about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family, and on behalf of all women, THANKS!

Thanksgiving Feast for Squirrels

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, my son uncovered a whole bag of acorns in his school backpack that he had collected, every morning, at the bus stop last month. He had totally forgotten about them until now. Thinking it would be a waste to simply throw them away, considering how much time it took him to collect these acorns, I suggested that we think of a way to make a better use of these acorns.

I was pleasantly surprised when he suggested that perhaps we could offer these acorns to the squirrels in our backyard. Cold winter is upon us, and he thought they would appreciate some extra supplies of food.

Of course, my son wouldn't just put out the acorns on the deck. He decided to offer a Thanksgiving Feast in style for our little furry friends. So he asked me for two styrofoam bowls and paper plates, and set up two dishes of acorns on our deck, right outside of the kitchen glass sliding door.

Then we waited, and waited, and waited some more, for the squirrels to come to their surprise Thanksgiving Feast.

The first few hours, there were no takers. They might have come when we were out running errands, but we didn't see one single squirrel near those bowls. My son went to bed disappointed.

The second day the kids went back to school. While I was sitting at the kitchen table, talking to my cousin on the phone, it happened!

The first squirrel timidly approached the bowls of acorns. It sniffed at the acorns and looked around, as if to check if this was a trap. It finally decided to pick up an acorn and hurried off.

A few minutes later, the second squirrel (or perhaps the same one) came and ran off with another acorn. The word must spread quickly within the squirrel community, because pretty soon, there was a steady stream of traffic to our backyard acorn feast. Our two cats Katie and Whisper quickly noticed the commotion on the deck. They gathered in front of the screen door and watched the "show" with intense interest. You can tell if there was a squirrel approaching by observing which direction their little heads turned.

At one point, one unsuspecting squirrel got too close to the glass door, stood up and found itself face-to-face, only inches apart, with two big cats! Both cats and the squirrel jumped with startle. It was so funny to watch!

The squirrels took turns to pick up the acorns, and then rushed off to bury them in the backyard. I could see that some of them were buried in our flower bed, and some by the utility shed. They must be overwhelmed by this unexpected Thanksgiving gift.

Of course, I wouldn't pass up this Kodak moment. I've got to make sure I get some good pictures to show my kids, when they come back from school. Here are some of the pictures I took.

Katie (on the right) and Whisper

After taking the pictures, I took the bowls inside. I wanted the kids to see how the squirrels enjoy their Thanksgiving Feast with their own eyes. So, after they came home from school, I told them what happened during the day, and showed them the pictures in my camera, then we put the bowls back on the deck.

It took a while, but the squirrels finally came back for more. We ate our afternoon snacks, while enjoying this live entertainment, made possible by my son's act of kindness. My heart was filled with abundance and gratitude. I hope my kids' did, too.

(By the way, it took the squirrels almost the whole day to move all the acorns. When we woke up the next morning, the bowls were all empty.)